A gift to you, for my birthday. Simon Rich is one of the funniest people on earth and his New Yorker articles are nothing short of incredible. For a long weekend read, I present Sell Out, a four part tale of a man who fell into pickle brine and was preserved for 100 years before coming to in modern day Brooklyn.
Part One: “I have one great-great-grandson still in Brooklyn, he says. By coincidence, he is twenty-seven years, just like me. His name is Simon Rich. I am so excited I can barely breathe. Maybe he is doctor, or even rabbi? I cannot wait to meet this man—to learn the ending of my family’s story.”
Part Two: “I select my potato and wait in line to buy. It is on the small side, but very clean, without any filth on its skin. I am very excited to eat it. A woman in man’s clothes calls me over to her cash register. “Will you need a bag?” she asks, as I hand her my meal. “No,” I say. “I have pocket.” “That’s the spirit!” she says. “I wish everyone were as eco as you.”
Part Three: “One sniff of brine erased my cynicism. The fact of the matter is, if you haven’t had Sarah’s Statue of Liberty Garlic Pickles with Salt, you haven’t had a real pickle.”
Part Four: “I would sooner die than serve as intern. But for students of Columbia University, it is very popular. Within one day, a hundred men and women send me résumés in the hope that I will choose them as my slaves”
Finally, Sell Out was picked up by HBO and released this summer as American Pickle featuring Seth Rogen.